Thank you for sharing that Anonymous, I think it'll help Vee to understand the concept. And it's also a good lead in to a point I'd like to make about it. And that point is - this works both ways.
That feeling of "pressure" you're referring too is the SAME EXACT FEELING that a man can get when a woman is SHARING TOO MUCH with him. Sharing too much of what she's thinking, too much of what she wants, too much of what she expects, too much of what she's feeling.
When you dump that into a man's lap, they feel pressured because it gives them the impression that ALL OF YOUR HAPPINESS RESTS ON THEIR SHOULDERS. And it creates a very uncomfortable feeling in men, the thought that every single little thing they do is somehow going to relate to your level of happiness because you've given them the impression that THEY are included in everything that makes you happy.
Gemini50, an active community member here, has made this observation previously. To give a man the impression that your happiness rests squarely on every little move he makes - is NOT a good thing, nor does it create positive feelings about the future of where his further efforts will lead - because suddenly, everything is dependent on HIM.
So as you can see in what Anonymous shared above, this guy is sharing too much and he's not taking what SHE wants into consideration, he's leading with what makes HIM happy - thus placing all of his happiness square on her shoulders without considering what makes HER happy into the equation.
Basically, as she picked up on, it's giving her the impression that ANY WOMAN WILL DO. And when women do that to men, it gives them the same exact impression. It doesn't make them feel special, it makes them feel like, "Well she clearly wants a man in her life and not a special man, just any man will do."
It's like there's an open position that needs filled, a void, and anyone willing to fill it will do.
This man's saying to her, "Hey, I have an open position right now for companionship and it needs filled. I don't care about what you want or about what you need, I just need this position filled. So whadaya' say, wanna' fill this open position? Wanna' slip into that slot and fulfill MY needs for me?"
And it's the same exact feeling that "dumping" too many emotions and expectations into a man's lap all the time can create as well.
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Wow – thanks for the great info, JP! I’ve been growing my own herbs for the first time this summer with great success. The spearmint and sage seem to be doing the best, so I’ve been making large amounts of tea out of them. Been drinking quite a bit of both for about 6 weeks now. On a whim, I decided to google positive and negative aspects of ingesting these herbs and found that Sage contains large levels of thujone and should not be ingested in large quantities – yikes! And now I’ve learned from you that spearmint in large quantities may be shrinking my boys and lowering my libido – double yikes!! Who knew? What a shame, as I really enjoyed both as an ‘all day’ beverage. Oh well. Say, do you have any info on French Tarragon as a tea preparation? I really like having fresh herbal beverage to take the place of all the soda I was drinking.